Friday, 21 December 2007

A mixed day with a lot of difference...

Today is a very different kind of day. Firstly, I have been feeling very sad and depressed for the way my loved ones are behaving with me. They always lie and never perform their duties correctly. Whenever there's a problem, I am the only person to solve it. They just keep mum and I feel the pain. What do you call this? If a person is truly loving and caring, they always support you and help you out of problems. But unfortunately, my loved ones are there only to share happiness. In case of problems, they are just unknown people. But yes, after the problems are solved, they come and patch up and again get ready for taking happiness. I have spent so much of my time with such people and only I know how much it hurts. When a person is dying, a single drop of water can save him. But after his death, even the whole ocean can't get him back. Same way, my near and dear ones give me ocean (to drown me) but never have I got that live saving drop of water

With these sad thoughts, I was just passing the day when I remembered that our beloved S K Naik sir is coming to visit us today. He is the hostel superintendent of Adilshahi house at Sainik School, Bijapur and quite close to me and my family too. They came and had good time at my home. He was happy to note my progress and congratulated me on the same. Of course, it was a big surprise for him to see my show-case full of trophies with Academic Excellence. After all, I was an academic failure just a couple of years back. But with honest efforts, I have had a turning point in life. However, this turning point is again sucked away due to certain reasons. And life is moving through sour times, yet again. All hopes seem to have disappeared and dreams have no place in life. Things have taken a bad shape again in my life. Almost everyone feels that I am having a bright life ahead. But only I know what is coming up

At around 3 pm, I was lying down and a shocking news was heard. His holiness, Sri Chandrashekar Swamiji of Shandilya Ashram is no more (standing in center adoring orange color clothes). This was really heartbreaking. Swamiji was a great person. I met him very recently when I had gone with my mom to his ashram. He was a spiritual leader and had a lot of effect on the lives of many people across the nation. He is worshipped by many people. When I met him, it was somewhat a heavenly feeling. I just managed to speak a few words with him. We had, in fact, gone to ask something about some family problems. However, as he was very tired, he was not in a position to listen to us. But he assured us that things will get well soon. My mom is a great believer in him. And my dad too. I, generally, dont find much interest in performing such activities. However, I dont know what took me there today. I was going in the afternoon itself wbut my mom stopped me and asked me to come with her in the evening. We went in the evening. So many devotees were present at the ashram. Almost everyone with tears in their eyes. After all, he was the only person who gave confidence to the general public and blessed them. His body was arranged in the manner prescribed as per Hindu rituals. And when I saw his face, it was just a kind of feeling, I can never express. Was it smile or was it sadness? It was not a blank face. It was trying to tell something to everyone in this world. There was bhajan going on. I could not move my sight away from his face. I wanted to decipher what he was telling. Once at least, it appeared as if he is meditating and he will get up and come to speak to us now. Once I felt as if he feeling some pain. It was a mixed feeling. There was a lot that could be read from his face. For not even a second did I feel that he is not alive. When someone in family dies, the whole family cries. But today, I could see thousands of people shedding tears from their hearts. This indicates his impact on the people. There are many feelings that I got and I am unable to express them

I started thinking about what has happened and what is happening. After all, what is this life? Seriously. Ask yourself, what is this life? More importantly, Who are you? Yes, who am I? Why have I come here? Why should I die one day? What is this system? These are some questions which everyone might think at one point of time. Today, I felt, the real purpose of life is to get an insight to ourselves. What are we doing in our life? Is that right? If not, why do we do it? Why are we so much bothered about materialistic things? Why do we think about such things which have no meaning? Why do people keep doing such things which have no relevance in life at all? Many questions. No answers

When I was thinking all this, I felt as if it was all death in life. What is there in this life expcept death? Lord Shri Krishna was the only person who came on the earth with a smile and he is immortal. We all have come with a cry and we all have to leave one day. I can never imagine the pain of death. When we have a small pain of fever or headache, we feel so much pain. Then, just imagine, how painful is death? What is this life meant for? People plan for future, accumulate money, plan for children, buy everything but what relevance does it hold. After all, everything has to perish one day

These are certain peculiar thoughts that have been flowing in my mind since many days (rather months) but with today's event, these thoughts have been intensified. All life is a big confusion. But one thing that I have learnt is people are life. Life can be a good feeling if we stay with good people. All happiness and sadness depend on the people we live with. Our life paths depend on them. We need support of great souls like Chandrashekar Swamiji who can guide us in right paths. We need experienced parents who have led life seriously and have understood it. We need life partners who contribute rather than expect. We need relatives who add value. Only then, life can be good. Everyone must have good thoughts and feelings. And all this must be under the blessing and spiritual shadow of the Lord God. Only then, life bears some meaning. Otherwise, life is meaningless. And unfortuntely, no one on the earth understands this

And today, yet another sad news came. Amitabh Bachchan's mother, Smt Teji Bachchan, also expired

A real dark day, as I can see...

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