Thursday, 1 May 2008

Where is this journey of life headed...

Its been too long that I have not written a blog entry. Well, life has taken a lot of turns in the past few days. And unfortunately, most of them are on the negative side. Tension is building up from every angle of life. I feel like I am being dragged off into something which is totally unknown. I am not even able to make out what exactly is happening in life. Things remain very critical. Problems remain unsolved. And questions remain unanswered. Life has become a very tired thing for me. My head aches 24x7 with n number of thoughts. I hardly get sleep for a few minutes everyday. I just keep lying on the bed till 10 in the morning. Though the world shouts at me, I still never even hear them. Thats the amount of involvement I have into these questions. Many a times, it has so happened that the people around me scream at me asking something and my ears never get what is being said. My brain is tired to such an extent. The other, while driving my bike, I never noticed that there was a red signal and just went on. I never noticed that a 4 wheeler trax was coming before me. I never even noticed that I was about to hit it. And without my knowledge, I applied the brakes and stopped. Even at this point, my brain did not work. The traffic policeman came to scold me and I didnt even realise that I had broken a signal and was about to hit a vehicle. I just moved on. It was only after 20-30 minutes when I was sitting in the college that I realised that all this had happened. A lot of problems keep bothering me every moment and I am unable to do anything in life. I have totally turned helpless for everything. And become a weak and meek person. Yet, the entire world around me doesn't even doubt this on me for a single second. No one will believe that I am in such a position. I am really unable to understand what has to be done next to overcome all these problems that life has put on my way. I keep begging the lord all the time to help me out.

Even he has a limit to help. He has helped me enough. It appears like a big ditch in which I have fallen with no ways to come out. Things are taking my breath out. I had been to Bangalore on 20th of this month for the ICICI bank officers' examination. I did well, as far as I believe, and I was supposed to get the result by this time. But, that too has not come. So, even this chance is gone. Where is life headed now? Thats the biggest question that has been on my mind. All roads seem blocked. All ways are seized. All paths are locked. There is nothing that I am able to make out at this point of time. All I can say is I have been honest and truthful all through my life. And God always finds fun in testing such people. But yes, I am sure, he will never leave such people to fall. He will definitely support too. God helps those who help themselves. So, let me try to move to whatever extent possible and do whatever good I can. But my head is bursting with all these issues and nothing ever goes in it. Its all a big confusion...

No comments:

Post a Comment