Wednesday, 21 October 2009

I am at the height of uselessness in life...

On questioning myself about what is going on in my life, I can only find that I am at the height of uselessness. Over the past 4 years, I have been planning to do a lot of things but none of these could turn into something so successful that I can be proud of or something that can add value to life. Well, let me not repeat the stories as everything has been described by me a good number of times in this blog. Its time for action, its time to rise, its time to move on with something valuable for a lifetime. On giving a thought on these lines, the immediate path that I could choose to move on is ICWAI. My CA registration has become invalid and I need to pay Rs 7500 to renew it which I can not afford as on date. For a fresh registration to CS, CFP, etc too, I would have to shell out some money. Luckily, my ICWAI registration is valid for a few more days. It expires in Nov 2009. And the exam is in Dec 2009. However, it has been confirmed from the institute that I can apply for the Dec 2009 exam as the application would be logged in October itself. But then, if I do not appear for Dec exam, my registration would become invalid and I would have to register afresh by making the necessary fee payment. On the other hand, if I write the Dec exam, I can also write the exam in June 2010 as my coaching completion is valid till then

The next point is that, to write the Inter exam, I need to complete Computer course applicable as well. But then, if I am appearing for only one group, there is no need to do this. It can be done before I apply for the second group. So, to ensure that I complete my ICWAI Inter by June 2010, I need to write the exam in Dec 2009. But then, should I take this as a mere attempt or can something be done? With just 50 days to go, it would be a mere foolishness to think that I will study and clear the exam. People who go for coaching for years together find it difficult to write these exams. And a person who has not touched books for years and he is not having enough time in a day to study, what can he be expected to do?

I also gave it another thought, how long will I pull this race? Its already 4 years. Even my registrations have become invalid. One can imagine how much I have ignored these aspects. Can I say that I have pitied myself a lot? Not seriously, but yes, I can say that I have given myself a lot of reasons to not to do it. Even now, if I say that I shall clear the exam by June 2010, I have enough reasons from Financial to Emotional to Work to Time availability to xyz. And then, give up. How long will I repeat this process? Is it not high time to make things happen rather than wait for them to happen? After all, I am a doer, I do everything but this is one thing which I have only been saying

With all this, I have exposed myself before the world. And now, I need to save my skin. I have to finish this race at any cost. And to ensure that I will succeed, I need to even make a good use of this attempt in Dec 2009. Why not make an effort? I am 99% sure that I will not be able to do it as professional exams are not jokes to be learnt in a crash course. But that 1%, that 1% can do something, that 1% is hope, that 1% can be a miracle, and that 1% can write a history. Why not concentrate on this 1% which is more powerful than the 99% which is mere dust
Clearing the exams or not is a secondary aspect as things are not completely in my hands. Factors like the type of questions appearing, the kind of correction that happens, etc too have an important role to play. You might know everything but one and that one question comes in the exam. You do not know anything except one and that one itself comes as a question in the exam. Exams too are a game of probability

One thing that definitely is my hand is 3 hours a day (10 hours at office, 1 hour for travel, 2 hours for hygiene, 2 hours for food, 6 hours of sleep). I can steal additional time from sleep hours. Further, on weekends, I have the entire day at my disposal. The challenge is to make use of these 3 hours sincerely to cover a certain set target of study each day. And let me make it a serious issue of it this time. If I do not use 3 hours a day for studies in the right manner and compelte the tasks for the day, I shall punish myself. The punishment might be anything. For the moment, I have decided that if I do not complete my work each day, I will strip. One day, my shirt. If I still stand bold without shame, my trousers followed by other accessories and if I still do not understand the essence, I shall be forced to throw myself without any cover on my body before this world. After all, whats the use of such a person who is unable spend 3 hours a day sincerely towards self improvement. There would remain no difference between me and people who are today dependent upon others for their food and clothing. This is a crude step that I am taking to ensure that I stick up to the plan and things HAPPEN

Its 1 am, Oct 22 2009 now and the new day has come. A day that would begin a turnaround in life

Subah ki kiran na jane kaunsa sandesh layegi
Rimzim si ghoonjaayegi
Ya phir pyaas, adhoori reh jayegi

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