Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Marriages in Hyderabad... A sound affair...

Marriage is an official bond between 2 persons to live life together. And when they don't want to live together, they need to sign another bond called divorce. So, what's the big deal in marriage. Just the bond paper that the registrar of marriage issues? I truly belive, YES

In my personal opinion, marriages are an activity to show to the world that these 2 persons are a couple from now and if they are seen together anywhere, do not hit them. The moral policing in our nation is quite high. The moment you see a guy with a girl, things might go awkward. So, do carry your marriage certificate when you go out with your spouse. More so, if you newly married. I guess, for others, you can ignore this idea for the fact that you might not go out with your spouse and if you do, you might keep away from each other with a big sad face. This is more than sufficient evidence for the moral police to note that you are a married couple. The more big faces are, the longer has been the tenure of being together. We Indians, sorry to say, are very sad people. We always tend to keep a boring profile of ourselves. You would hardly see people enjoying life to the fullest. There is so much that can be done in each moment. We don't even do simple things like giving a smile. Sometimes, we feel guilty of smiling in front of people. Sometimes, we feel guilty to speak to someone. I have been thinking always about the reason behind this. To some extent, I feel, its because of the way our brain has been engineered by the environment

Marriage is in some sense switching from a open source software like linux to a licensed version of Windows, of course, single user version. Before marriage, you interacted with all people around you. A guy could see a girl and feel, 'She's hot' and a gal could see a boy and feel, 'He's cool'. But once you are married, your wife/husband is the only person who is everything from hot to cold to warm to cool. Now, this is not a teaser for marriages. Because, I have a point, a serious one, to make. When you are expected to do everything and feel everything with the same person, how far can that person make you feel them. The person must be a blend of Aishwarya Rai, Salman Khan, Bill Gates, Local hottie guy/gal, caring, loving, warm, friendly, sexy, rich, leader, understanding and so on. The moment there is a lacking, as a natural human tendency, a person looks out. Didn't we all do it before marriage? So, how big difference can a ceremony make? Yes, it activates the moral police and does not allow you to reach out other people as you did earlier. And when this happens, the person never shows out what he/she has inside. 2 people start living in the same body. What is inside the real person and what is shown out is a polished version

The biggest of all evils is COMPARISION. The day we are born, comparisions begin. Its the nurse who would compare before your mom that you were fairer or darker than the other children delivered on the same day. You father and grandparents steps in to compare whether are a male or a female. Your relatives step in to compare if you were fairer than their children and instantly start feeling jealous of you. They just can't express themselves. Seeing this, your mom feels that they are not happy seeing you. And your mom gets upset. Confusions begin. A kind of insecurity peeps in. You grow and start going to school and each day is a new comparision. He is better than you, she is neatly dressed, he is strong, she is beautiful and so on. And the moment you are compared, you start feeling insecure and do not speak to those people who are better than you in a given skill. And you say that they have a ego problem. Slowly, the matter deepens so much that you start comparing yourself with every other person and you neither are able to cope up with people nor are you able to make use of time. You would want to be friends with only such people who are equal or a little low than you in each and every respect. How many such people can we find? I honestly do not find anyone who is like me in all manners. Differences ought to be there. Else, what on this would we call to be beautiful

This is not the case with westerners. They lead their own lives in their own way. From day one, they are asked to look after themselves and do whatever they want. They do not have this habit of comparing themselves or feeling low, etc. This makes people flexible and hence, lively and charming. They build a good rapport instantly by being nice and polite. Politeness is something that is out of scene for us, specially the males. There are people who do try being polite but that is misread by the world as flirt and so, people do not attempt politeness. Women shy away as if they have just landed on to mother earth and men behave like beasts and thus avoid people to save themselves from moral police which many a times includes own friends, relatives and the spouse himself/herself

Stopping to comparing and starting to live is the best way to live life. Because, if you compare, there are 2 things that happen. Either you feel you are better or the other person is better. If you feel that you are better, you develop a superiority complex immediately and you don't communicate. The other persons feel you are egoistic and you feel they are egoistic. And if you feel that the other person is better, you instantly get into an inferiority complex mode and feel depressed & sad. You might start feeling insulted when you are approached by such persons

I don't understand why and how our minds think so much so deeply and so quickly on these issues. I put the blame on the environment completely. Its the kind of life that we have lead in the past that determines our current thinking. So, before you marry, you need to know how big responsibility you are going to take up in life. Specially, if you are marrying in India. Westerners easily go in for a divorce and carry on with life. Marriage is a very big and serious issue which needs to be addressed with lot of sensinbility & responsibility. You are going to influence the life of another person directly alongwith yours. Are you ready for this challenge and believe that you can make a positive difference to someone's life and can meet all his/her needs? Give a serious thought before you get in

Lets come back to the purpose of writing this post. I attended two marriages at Hyderabad till date. The first one was of Mr. Yajini Babu Sata, my former reporting authority. It was in this place called Kukatpally. The hall was a huge one to accomodate enough number of people. The food was fantastic. The celebrations were grand. The amount of expense was definitely quite high compared to the marriages that I have attended (though the number is so less that I can count them)

The second one was of my colleague, Deepti. She got married to a big wealthy businessman and it was a blast. I just loved the food. From badam milk to 20-30 kinds of sweets to 3-4 kinds of sandwiches to idli vada dosa stuff to pani puri sev puri bhel puri to 3-4 kinds of noodles, salads to different kinds of rotis, chappatis, nan, kulcha to variety of ice creams to what not. It was like a great achievement to even browse through what all was available. The people, I believe, had come down from Rajasthan and it did not appear any less than a palatial wedding. And the expense, well, I can't make even a wild guess

Marriages are definitely a day to remember but what is more important is how memorable will be those days after the marriage. You can buy a million houses but you cannot buy even one home. Homes need to built with limitless effort each day and the process of building homes is an endless task

Wishing you a very happy and blissful married life that build beautiful homes for the coming generation to experience the gift of life happily than ever

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