Monday, 12 April 2010

Jindagi do pal ki... Intezar kab tak hum karenge bhala...

Its about 20 days since I wrote the last post on this blog and almost 40 days since I wrote on this blog about me or my life. Of course, there is nothing to write. Nothing's new, nothing's exciting, nothing's happening, nothing's worth writing about. People believe that I always make something or the other thing out of nothing but I have given them a tough challenge to remain stuck to these views. What can be a stronger evidence than me not believing in this thought anymore? Sometimes, people can not make anything out of everything though they make something out of nothing. Perhaps, its a better idea to have nothing rather than have everything because nothing makes you go and get something while everything makes you sit and laze. The fun with me is that I, perhaps, have everything resulting in making me nothing

Life has been like a fool's race with no purpose. I have been wandering mentally from one arena to another at a lightning speed. While I am browsing one thought, the other would have overtaken it leaving the former far behind. And each time, I keep leaving only traces on each thought thus nothing becoming an action. Its like skating on the surface of water. No matter how much you skate on it, you are going to be drowned ultimately

The calender has been changing dates for me and I have been postponing the dates of the scheduled work. Its so difficult to match the speed of the calender. Before even I postpone my dates, the calender would have gotten new dates and I need to sit and postpone them once again

In simplest words, over the past 101 days, all that has been done by me is ZERO work. I am proudly ashamed to tell this but I have no option either. Nothing has worked at all. Specially, the thought of studies is something that has never worked in my life. Its a baseless thought. I never succeeded in it. I get surprised beyond anything when I see that Karnataka University once ranked me amongst its top 10 graduates. That was a past time. Today, yet again, the rust on the iron is so high that, forget the shine, the iron is not able to show up itself. And only God knows how long will it take for him to clear the rust for my efforts have yield no results

CA is yet again a dream far from reality. I guess, I have made life's biggest mistakes whenever I have thought about this. Each time I have tried to do something in the name of CA, I have been a big loser. I have not only lost in it but other activities as well as I lose a lot of time in its name. I have spent nearly 7 years losing this battle and other battles due to this. I recently read, 'If you do not quit even after losing many times, losing becomes a habit'. This is an eye opener for me. I started up only CWA studies after getting this gyan but soon, where would the mind listen, I again fell back in to the trap designed to fool me

Give up, give it up. I told myself so many times but I don't know why it doesn't listen. At some point of time, I ensured that I will never fall in this trap by deciding to go to IFBI & then joining ICICI Bank and purely concentrating on career development through hard core work. But then, one fine day, this peeped in. And from then, life has been uneasy

I don't know how many more years is this thought going to haunt me for. The only way to get rid is to clear it but that is not getting possible more because of the rusted mind. To remove the rust, I need to clear it and to clear it, I need to remove the rust. It sounds something like, 'Does the hen come first or the egg?'

May 4th is about 18 days from now. Can I study 1 subject in 3 days and can something happen? Look, falling in the trap once again and that too, so openly. Have you seen a bigger blinding?

Let me fall in this once again for the one last time. Here's some attempt to put a schedule (which shall postpone itself till exams get over and ease this tensed life). MAKE or BREAK. Its the final call. I need to be totally firm on this decision now. I had a big dream of joining the Armed Forces. But, I had a firm decision that I will attend the SSB once only. If I clear, well and good. Else, no looking back. That strength of decision making is now needed. Perhaps, I was doing SSB for me and it did not make difference to anyone's life for me to have a second thought. But CA is something that I am not at all doing for me. It may not make any difference to my life. It will only add to other's wishes, hopes, aspirations and dreams. I dared to forget Army and forget my dreams in its connection as they were mine. But these are not mine

Here, I step into the web of hopeless attempt to do something hopeful which shall result into more hopelessness

Auditing- 13, 14
Business & Corporate Laws- 15, 16
Cost Accounting- 17, 18
Financial Management- 19, 20
Income Tax- 21, 22
Central Sales Tax/Service Tax- 23
Accounting- 24, 25, 26, 27
Information Technology- 28, 29

I am still left with 1 day to spare... What an utter foolishness!!!

PS: My left eye has started blinking yet again while I started writing the later part of this post

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Puneet good to see you back after a long time. I did missed your writings because I just love to go through your blog. Just be determined & focused towards a single goal & make effort surely you will succeed. Just do not allow any negative thoughts to even enter your mind. Keep moving ahead. All the very best. Study well & give your best shot in the exam. Make effort as if it were your last exam of life you will definitely succeed. I will pray for you & god will bless you. Waiting to read through your success story of clearing your exam.