Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Jobless Days in Bengaluru.. And a transformation..

2010 begun in high spirits with big aims, aspirations and great hopes. Soon, I realised that I took a step that was quite daring and bold but later did I realize that this step, though correct, will do no good to my life. Life was running pretty smooth at ICICI Bank in a pretty beautiful city of Hyderabad. 2009 was a good year of progress. At work, I had started to get a good amount of recognition and affiliation. Just then, something happened that I decided to leave the job and do something else. What something else? There were thousands of answers to this but after I left the job, all these answers became questions. I moved from Hyderabad to Bengaluru with a lot of seriousness to study for CA PE-II exams and joined a coaching class as well. The spirit did not last for more than 2 weeks. I packed up things and landed in Hubli. Reasons were many like the classes were not that good, the fees is too high, the cost of living is too high, etc. but the intent was very clear. I had lost it. I still thought I will try & study at home- a task in which I have not succeded in 23 years. Things started getting worse and soon, things got so worse that the controlling power slipped off. I thought of getting back to work but I was stopped by the thought of exams. A lot of drama kept happening and finally the exam time came. I gave an extempore attempt at it and the result was obvious. The last time I had given this exam, I did not even check the result as I never thought I could clear it. The same is the case this time too

After this, I started a job hunt and in about 3 weeks, I was able to get a farily good job at HDFC Bank. These 3 weeks are what I call 'Jobless Times in Bengaluru' along with Raghuram Belure. Coincidently, he too had quit his job and was on a look for a new job. And the circus began

The only thing that kept us busy was the internet. There was a desktop and a laptop. However, there was a single internet connection and we both are internet freaks. I really do not understand what worthwhile I was doing but I was online on a 24x7 basis. The guy who stayed on the floor above ours had a wifi connection which would work when he is at home. So, at such time (usually evening to morning), there was no problem. He (Raghuram) would use the desktop and I used my laptop to access the wifi network. Soon, it was discovered that we had nothing to do except browsing the net. During the day, it would become a difficult task the wifi connection would not be available and whoever catches the system first would be privilleged to use the internet connection. There was always a thought in the subconscious that I must get hold of the system. Most times, unknowingly, we used to rush into the home and quickly go and catch the system. Whenever we went out for tea or food, a competition to quickly catch the system would be running in our minds. Another problem was that there was a huge delay in going for lunch/dinner because of the same reason. The one who is on the system would not get up and the one who is not on the system would keep making effort to pull the other out for food. Most times, it even became difficult to go to toilet due to the fear of the system being captured by the other person. It was almost like kids fighting for the computer except that there was no verbal communication between us. All happened in the mind. While he would keep spending time searching for Dish TV, Tata Sky, AirTel DTH, etc. for his website, I would keep mailing or using FaceBook & Orkut. This became a routine and things went on in the same manner

At night, we would not get sleep as both would get the internet access (wifi). The joblessness had increased to such an extent that we would chat with each other on Google Chat though we were in the same room. There were enough instances where he would call the toll free numbers and toll them with his supernatural points. There was so much time and nothing to do. Yet, we never felt like we were free even for a moment. That is the power of internet. When we used to feel a little bored at night 1 am or 2 am, we used to go out for a walk. Koramangala, I thought, is an evergreen place but it did not stand up to my expectation. Almost everything came to a close by about 11 pm. At 2 am, the only reason why we would walk about 2 kilometers was merely to have a cup of tea. And why? Why did we want to have a cup of tea? What were we going to achieve by it? The only obvious reason was that we have nothing else to do. Once, it so happened that, P Ravindra (another SSBJ friend) came to visit us as he had holidays at his college. Poor chap, we made him stay awake all night listening to our useless stories. There was a big debate that happened between me and him for almost 2 hours on a topic on which no one in this world would want to debate. Yet, I debated along with Raghuram for the simple reason that we did not have anything else to do. It went upto 4.30 am and then, we decided to take him for a walk. He refused but we were nowhere near listening. We took him to the same tea spot which was about 2 kms and he was totally exhausted. Above all, we continued the debate and the laughter was endless. At around 5 am, he mistakenly asked me if there was a park nearby. That was it. We all walked for another 2-3 kms in the name of park and the park never came. I told them that I will show them some very beautiful homes and took them around for another 1-2 kms. I then thought what I was doing at this time in the morning. It was so crazy and showed how jobless we were that I was taking them around to show them some good homes. Soon, we returned home and went to sleep. When I look back, I seriously can not believe that I, once upon a time, had so much time in my life

Twitter become another superb companion for me. Whenever I would not be able to access the internet, I would keep tweeting using the tweet option through SMS. I used to tweet endlessly updating everything that was happening in my life. Today, a look at those tweets is really amusing. I can not even believe that I even tweeted some time in my life. Vodafone gives me a 100 SMSs free of cost every day and I would use this facility to the fullest. These days, I seldom see an SMS in my outbox or a read SMS in my inbox

These were the activities that we jobless people were doing during those 3 weeks. Time was a plenty and we used to device newer ways to kill time. We used to keep googling for all the waste things that would not have any meaning or any value at all

When I look back at all this, it makes me feel that it was all a dream. A dream which I wish will come to life and stay on forever. A serious look at life makes me wonder what at least is this life all about. I have always been trying to understand what at least is the purpose of taking birth on this land. If there is someone called God and if it is true that he is the one who owns us all and we are playing our roles as per his wishes, what is that for which he has sent us on the earth? Purpose is one big question for which I have not been able to discover an answer. These days, my life has been completely dedicated/devoted (or rather say sacrificed) for my organization. I have no regrets and I am happy for all the responsibilities that life has been ushering over me. The learning at this point of time of life that I am getting is something beyond my imagination. I might not have thought even in my dreams that I would land into such a big land of responsibilities at this age. Sometimes, I feel I am working beyond my possibile capacities and sometimes, I feel like to shout, "I am human being, Please do not treat me like a machine" while sometimes, I feel humbled at what life has given