Sunday, 12 December 2010

Give me some sunshine, some rain, another chance.. I wanna grow up once again..

Long time. I believe, it should be one of the longest breaks that I have taken from writing. From the day I landed in my hometown, Hubli, I have not written anything. Of course, there was plenty to write about but no time to write it. A lot things have been happening as always. The usual hopping from idhar chala main udhar chala to jaane kahaan main kidhar chala is on its way. The kabhi haan kabhi naa circus along with kabhi kushi kabhie gham soap is at its best again. The mind does a lot of kabhi bhoola kabhi yaad kiya all time questioning me kya karein kya naa karein. Of course, yeh kaisi muskil haay and koi bhi na batha sake iska hal tho mere bhai. And is tarah se na hi hum jee sakhenge aur na hi mar sakhenge. However, finally Lakshya has taken the hit, the darker meaning of hit. Lakshya tho har haal mein paana tha but lagta hai gaaunga jindagi bhar bas yeh gaana, 'Main Aisa Kyun Hoon?'

Today, I wish to openly accept that owing to all circumstances of life, I accept the defeat from myself for I could not reach the target of studying for my CA exams. Yes, its an open acceptance of defeat. My mind has defeated my heart finally, yet again. However, its done in a perfect style like never before. It has killed the heart in such a way that it would never again dare to challenge the mind. 3 Idiots told me that the heart is very fearful and we must fool it and keep saying 'all izz well'. In fact, I preached this funda to the world even before 5 point someone was written. My friends know that well. I used to constantly say, 'Nothing will happen. Alls well'. But then, my own concept has finally cheated me. Nothing is well. Nothing would ever be well by fooling your heart. Whats more important and required is effort. No effort, no result

I took a break from my job in order to study for CA. I did try and convince myself that I will do it. A lot of drama happened. I landed in Bangalore from Hyderabad, attended CA coaching classes, went for a week, came to Hubli for a festival, some conditions here did not make me feel like going back, I thought of living here for a week more and go back, yet the circumstances did not change, I thought 'why go Bangalore and waste money, let me study here and save money', I tried to study, I joined a gym as well (of course, not to study), I did study for some time but nothing worthy to mention, I went through a lot of complications in this already complicated web of life as everyone on this earth has so much time to give free advice which is totally opposite to the free advice given by them previously and in the process, you end up paying heavily

So, yes, the mind has won. Congratulations!

And yes, bad luck heart. Better luck next time (if you could still dare to even get up)

And ultimately, the top track for life is yet again
Karna hai kya mujhko, yeh maine kab hai jaana
Lagta hai gaunga, jindagi bhar bas yeh gaana
Hoga jaane mera ab kya, koi tho bataye mujhe
Gadbad hai yeh sab kya, koi samjhaye mujhe
Jaane ab mera hona kya hai, lagta hai tumko
Ya main hoon jaisa bas waisa rahoonga???

I would love to thank Blogger for having been such a great platform for me to open up my mind. My mind is just like a recycle bin. There are so many dumps that happen each day in it. And each time, it becomes very necessary to empty the recycle bin. Out of all the complicated thoughts that crap my mind everyday, its great to put them out at the end of the day and feel relaxed. Most times, I have this habit of not expressing happiness or love or anything good but to write more on issues that are of the other nature. The only reason, I believe, might be to free my mind from the web of complexities. The simple ones might not deserve a mention. Many a times, you would find no one listen to all crap (of course, how the hell can I expect someone to listen to it) and this acts like a perfect means to put it out. And people think that writers are very great

Single again might not be an apt phrase to express the new mode of life that I am about to enter now. However, the situation is more or less the same. Of course I can say, ready to mingle for new opportunities