Wednesday, 12 September 2012

The New Apple iPhone5 - Designed for Women...

This is an imaginary write up on how the new iPhone5 could be in case man had the power to do whatever he wants. This is an imaginary speech which the CEO would give on an imaginary product. All the words/pictures used in the write up belong to the original owners. In case of any objections, requested content can be removed by contacting the writer by leaving a comment.

Just for fun... Don't take it seriously... ;)

The New Apple iPhone5

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome. Today, we are here to announce an innovation that will take the world to the next level. Whoever says that the world in 2012 might be telling that a new world will rise in 2012. If that's how we interpret, then yes, the world will end in 2012. We are about to give rise to a new world, a world where women will lead us men. This will be the greatest ever transfer of power in this world from the man to the woman. We'll unlock a whole new world with the Apple iPhone5. After all, it is 'Designed for Women' (patent pending)
The new Apple iPhone5 - Designed for Women - Transforming the World

At Apple, it has been our endeavor to offer the customer, the best of all the worlds. Though we have been doing it ever since we were born, unfortunately, we could not give the customer hardware worth the money we collected. However, our customers are more than willing to pay $600 just for the experience of our world class software. The Apple iPhone. The beauty is that our interface, our innovations, our device's experience offers our customers more value than the hardware. This time, we thought, lets play it different. We have not touched the software as it is already ahead of the world's technology. After all, our women customers feel proud that they can use their iPhone as  mirror whenever they require. That has been the greatest ever utility of an iPhone on the earth. We have decided to use all our cash reserves and give our women customers a product, the hardware part, worth more than they could have ever imagined. They are the ones who showed us that we can build hardware too. We are here to make you happy. The new Apple iPhone5 is here.

We welcome all of you to the launch of happiness with the new Apple iPhone5

One of the biggest value addition in the iPhone5 is the Flexapple (patent pending) technology. Your iPhone5 is made of flexcells. Flexapple is the greatest ever innovation in the world of science and technology. Using this technology, your phone becomes flexible, which means, the iPhone5 could be a square, a cube, a cone or any amoebic shape that you wish to. You could tie it around your wrist, wear it across your neck or tie it across your waist. What's more ladies, you can use it as a hairband, a bangle or an eyewear. You could even make it into 2 parts and wear it as earrings. Using the wonderful apps in the app store, you can get various designs to suit your desires.That's Flexapple for you beautiful women. Apple's gift to the womankind - the flexcells. The possibilities are limitless

Halle Berry flaunts the numerous accessories she could create using the Flexapple technology in the new Apple iPhone5
Our customers were very disappointed with us as the previous iPhones showed them a lot of dreams. However, none of these ever came true. Right now, we are making one such dream come true. Ms Matthews from San Francisco Bay area complained that she does not get time wash clothes as she is on the beach all the day partying with her friends and showing them her iPhone. As a goodwill gesture, we have introduced a path breaking technology in the iPhone5. Its called 'The Washing Machine'. Your iPhone5 can now wash clothes. All you have to do is put the clothes into a tub and place the new iPhone5 over the clothes. Enable the wash mode and the iPhone5 will wash the clothes in no time. Thank you Ms Matthews, if not you, we could have not been able to change the world.

Vanessa Minnillo experiments with the new Apple iPhone Washing Technology
The iPhone5 comes with inbuilt lathering technology. After brain storming discussions at Apple headquarters, our team of men concluded that women spend most of their time in the shower. That was when we decided to make their experience at the shower, a memorable one. The lathering technology, when enabled, produces lather of your choice when the iPhone5 is rubbed. It can even produce the bare minimal essentials like the lipstick, the kaajal, the gloss, a little amount of hair oil, petroleum jelly, etc. Amazing, isn't it? When you buy an iPhone5, you have bought a lifetime's supply of soap, shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer, sunscreen and various other beauty products. The iPhone5 is designed with women in mind

Julia Roberts expresses her joy on using the lathering technology in the new Apple iPhone5
The new Apple iPhone5 will complete your incomplete world. It will be only device you will ever require in your life. After all, our world class innovation of a technology called 'Magic' (patent pending) will make all your dreams come true. At the moment, our engineers are working on this technology to convert the iPhone5 to other devices using Magic. We are in constant touch with Harry Potter (patent pending) to give us the The Magic Wand (patent pending) so that we could implement the technology soon. Right now, we have enabled the 'CarMaker' app in the iOS using which your iPhone can be converted into a car of your choice. Women love cars. Of course, when Harry filed a case on us, we told him that there were no cars in his time. Coming back, women, when you come out of your home and want to go to party, all you need to do it enable the CarMaker app and your iPhone5 will turn into a car of your choice. Drive. On reaching the destination, disable the CarMaker and you have your iPhone5. You don't even have to pay for parking. You get a lifetime free car parking along with your new Apple iPhone5. Loving it, aren't you?

Paris Hilton converts her new Apple iPhone5 into a pink Bentley using the CarMaker app

We, at Apple, have been working on needs of every woman. In fact, we have been the greatest creators of needs in this world. There was a world which did not need an iMac, an iPhone, an iPad or for that matter, even an iPod. But today, with the world class innovations by us, the world is in dire need of all these devices. Apple is proud to have entered into the value chain of every consumer. The new iPhone5 creates a greater impact on every mind that is a must buy. We are making the product available only for women across the world. Men are banned from purchasing the new Apple iPhone5 unless they prove that they are buying for a lady. Ladies, join hands with us and let's take over the world.

Meg Ryan is delighted at the way the new Apple iPhone5 is going to change the world

The iPhone5 comes with the nut cracking technology, Sirious (patent pending). The Sirious is for real. What we mean by this is that the new Apple iPhone5 will come with a real human being, yes, a real human being. The Sirious will be your real life assistant who will guide you using our maps, location services, question answers, puzzles, etc. The Sirious could be anyone of your choice. However, due to limited availability of human availability, only one body per person, the Sirious will work on a first come first serve guideline. This is all the more happy reason for women to buy the new Apple iPhone5, which is not for sale for men. We, at Apple, have decided to transfer every power in the world to the women and the new Apple iPhone5 will do it for us.

Nicole Kidman tests if Keith Urban can be her Sirious
While our engineers continue to work on newer applications of the Apple iPhone5 to be used for various applications like that of a Microwave Oven, a Furniture set, a cupboard, etc, our dream extends to the iPhone5 being able to convert itself into a makeshift home. At Apple, we make dreams come true with the world class innovation. Our engineers are working on a technology that could convert the iPhone5 into a sandwich, a burger or a pizza and thus, on buying the new Apple iPhone5, we take care of the hunger of the entire world. Our engineers are also working on lines of recycling the excreta after consuming such food created from the Apple iPhone5 into a whole brand new Apple iPhone5. Now, that's where we are heading towards. At Apple, we dream big.

What's bigger than dreaming for a better world? At Apple, we rejoice Angelina's contributions. She makes us proud.

Ladies, by the way, its a phone as well. You can make calls and send/receive texts using the new Apple iPhone5 ;)

Our experiment of converting the iPhone5 into CatWoman bike was a big success. Anne Hathway was impressed.

Well, we have proved to you beyond every limit that the iPhone5 is the world, the new world, from 2012. And of course, "If you don't have an iPhone5, you just don't have it."

Cameron Diaz almost breaks down after Alex Rodriguez told her that he will buy her an Apple iPhone5

PS for men only : Well, the most interesting aspect of the new Apple iPhone5 is that men can download it from websites like PirateBay. With the greatest ever innovation at Apple, we have made it possible for you to download a torrent that will convert itself into an Apple iPhone5. Plus, hey guys, the Sirious is actually designed for us, the men. Women will never understand how to use the iPhone5 and give it to us men. After all, the new Apple iPhone5 is Designed for WOMen, the World Of Men. Now, HOWZAAAT...!!!


Shakespeare impressed with the new Apple iPhone5

2 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha:D Cool one sir;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Send this to Apple, along with your biodata.

    ReplyDelete