Saturday, 20 December 2014

Say NO to Pre-Marital Sex, Patience Pays in Multiples

This blog post has been exclusively penned for IndiBlogger's "Yes or No to Pre-Marital Sex" contest. Check Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.

Historically, the world has been a strict and disciplined place. Over time, a large number of relaxations have been coming in and the world is a more liberal place now. Democracy has put an end to autocracy and dictatorship. We have seen a great change in way we life, the quality of life, the thoughts, etc. From a time when women were asked to be within the four walls with their bodies covered fully with clothes, we have reached world that accepts them uncover into a 2-piece on a beach. Some call it freedom, some call it by some other name. Marriages were meant to last all life, or rather, 7 janams (lives) and today, perhaps, we have started the 8th janam and thus relationships are a means to achieve goals, financial ones on a growth now. Many things that were considered wrong or illegal in the past are painted as art today, and people enjoy them in the name of freedom. Everything has its own advantages and disadvantages. Life should mix things in the right proportion for it to be a fulfilling experience. Too much or too less of anything is a negative.

It all starts with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, goes to Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai, further to Mohabbatein, gets into a bit of Pyar Kiya Toh Darna Kya, then if all goes well until Mujhse Shaadi Karoge, and reaches a Shaadi Mubarak!. Unfortunately, these people are made to feel Shaadi Karke Phas Gaya, with stories of Khwaaish, Jism, LSD, taking over their thoughts. There are enough people promoting promiscuous content, which gives immediate fame (though negative) to them. Pre Marital Sex (PMS) is a development from these thoughts over a period of time. I am against PMS, at least at the moment, and strongly believe that one must wait till marriage to enjoy the bliss of sex. Its not about moral, ethics, religion, virginity or anything. Its just that the sun rises, flowers blossom, fruits ripen at a particular time, and they are best enjoyed then. While we can debate on several points, I have tried to highlight such points that I think are more important in the longer run of life.
Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs.
- Alice Fryling

Sex follows marriage.

It is a known fact that people start having sex after marriage, and not before. However, with the so called modern society, things are a bit different. People tend to get married at a later age than usual. In the meantime, the physical desires keep increasing. Thus, they decide to indulge in PMS. Most of them know this is wrong (at least they know that it is claimed to be wrong) but they go ahead and do it. First, they try their best to hide it. However, if they are caught, they try to approve of it in order to avoid a lifetime's shame. There is all probability that these people find great difficulties adjusting to married life, unless they get married to someone who also has committed the same act.

Sex and Marriage are 2 different things. Really?

In the next level of arguments, we have people who claim that sex and marriage are completely different. In the olden times, people would search for social and financial security through marriages. So, you go and find these things. Today, people are also searching for sexual outcomes, and so, you get to try the other person and decide. I am appalled when I hear such reasoning, despite there being enough evidence that forced (mostly because one person questions the other person on the basis of love), premarital lovemaking leads to mental depression and dilemma. The Supreme Court of India has held in its judgement that PMS is not a crime but it is considered equal to marriage. Thus, PMS isn't a substitute. The proponents of this idea are often those who see sex as just another activity in life. If so, why do the same people do not approve of their spouses committing adultery. Its just another physical activity, after all. Most arguments in favor of PMS become null and void when they are applied to post marriage sex with a different individual (other than the spouse). Sex with multiple partners isn't an adventure. I believe these aren't withing the scope of PMS. I mean, if you don't intend to get married, you aren't having a PMS, you're just having sex.

Sex with a partner is alright. No.

No relationship gives us the right to sex. People often interpret marriage as a license to sex. This is extremely weird. Marriage is a sacred institution that brings 2 people together under a vow to live a better life. Sex is just one one part of life. Today's world has made the significance of sex go out of proportion, thanks to the Bollywood and Hollywood. All the movies have to show a sex scene and unfortunately, movies aren't about husbands and wives. So, they end up showing partners making out. It all looks rosy because movies have a happy ending. The script is written that way. Unfortunately, life doesn't give us that freedom. Apart from all the risks that PMS poses, including pregnancy, the 2volume of stress and issues it can create, if one thing goes wrong, are enormous. There are books, stories and movies on what happens to people if they do not get to live with the partner who they have courted with. On reading/watching these, all the propositions around sex being a stress buster get beaten, hands down.

Youngsters are misled.

The media that youngsters watch/listen often portrays things in a way that people decide to adopt to their concept. Often, these people themselves are confused about their own thoughts. Unless Durex says PMS is good, they can't increase their condom sales. Deodorants don't get men to bed. Lingerie doesn't necessarily lead to one night stands. Things are portrayed in a very ugly and awkward fashion these days. The other day, I was watching a video, 'My advice to 15 year old'. It turned out to be a big disappointment. The video asks the 15 year old children to ignore studies, spend time in doing other things, and experiment with sex. How cheap an advice could be? Don't these people understand that most 15 year old kids don't even have their organ developed fully yet. Pursuing passions for life is great, but ignoring the basics like education is fatal. In the name of passion, a lot of wrong communication reaches the younger lot, like Bill Gates dropped out, Zuck dropped out, etc. A set of people who have been wrong themselves, try to promote their wrongs by asking the world to do the same wrongs, so that it becomes a standard and then, gets accepted in the society. Young people must watch out and understand whether opinions expressed in news and newspapers are public opinion or the opinions of the individuals. Most news articles come with news on topics like PMS and to support, they include comments from people who are pro-PMS, thus giving an image that the world is pro-PMS. It could be with any topic. Sex sells, and marketers know it the best.


The lesser I speak, the better. I don't believe in moral lectures. I am sure that those who are in support of PMS are mature enough to understand things. So, I'd just ask them to place a hand on their heart and ask themselves, "Am I really right? Would I approve of PMS if my spouse or parents (had) or children indulge in it?".

Sex and Rape.

A lot of people interpret things related to these in a totally different ways. Some call it cultural issue, some social, some mental, some physical, and some even think that rapes just happen by mistake. Unfortunately, we also have people who think that boys will be boys and they will rape. Does such a comment represent the entire male community? How many people are such people representing? What happens to initiatives like MARD? It is a proven fact that people try to replicate what is done in movies. When Kareena Kapoors dance to songs like "main toh tandoori murgi hoon yaar, pachkale mujhe alcohol se", what is the message she is sending? The women's groups never agitate against things like this, calling it freedom of expression. Why don't they understand that women are being commodity-sed by women themselves? It is a confused world, and there are people taking disadvantage of these confusions.

Is PMS a new form of rape, rape with consent?

As long as things go the jolly Bollywood style, all is well. However, shockingly, according to the National Crime Records Bureau 2013 annual report, 24,923 rape cases were reported across India in 2012. Out of these, 24,470 were committed by a known person, a staggering 98%. Of these, it is obvious that a large number were PMS with consent, and then because one of the partners decides against the relationship post-PMS, it is called a rape. Tragic, isn't it? Worse enough, if the partner again decided to get back in the relationship, the rape is redefined as PMS. According to the HT-MaRS Youth Survey, an over 61% of today's believe that premarital sex is no longer a taboo, thanks to the influenced illusions around them. However, when it comes to marriage, over 63% want their partners to be virgins. These are the same people who proclaim that virginity is a thing of the past. Double standards?

Rise in love, take time to grow your relationship, focus on the long run, live life.

It is thus evident that PMS does no good to anyone. It is like risking a jump from a 10 floor building, assuming we'll get Spiderman's web or batman's wings on the way. While Batman & Spiderman do win, as they are scripted to, the blind jumpers suffer consequences. Not everyone's life can be like Chetan and Anusha of 2 States. Don't be guided on the things that someone isn't trying to guide you on. Don't be motivated by consequences as your situation is always different from others and thus, will see different consequences. For all the points mentioned above and for many other regular reasons that we keep hearing day in and day out, I appeal to the young generation to abstain from the disillusions and traps laid to monetize you. Live by the basic values and principles of life. It is age old quote, which we all know and yet, don't follow, "You always have 2 choices. One is a little wrong, but will give you immediate success and happiness. The other one is a little tough, but will take you on the right path. Success may come or may not, but you will always be happy for taking the right path". Use the time that you get before marriage to focus on education, work and career, instead of focusing on PMS. Sex is an insignificant element in building a long term relationship value. What matters the most in life is how happily you live with your life partner, and that needs endless love from the heart. Each moment you spend waiting teaches you the art of controlling your life, and doubtlessly, each of these moments are adding up for a great sex life for you both in the future.

Let's not take relationships on the commercial path, try to look for benefits, or to find what will I get from this. True love has no means, nor ends.

Let love be the reason, lifelong friendship be the gift, kindness is the cause and till death do us apart be the length. Lets vow a Happy Married Life, and give it all that it takes!
It is the holiest institution of human relationships mankind is aware of...



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